In Cambodia: Monkey Inspires Inner Child Work

“I am large. I contain multitudes.”  Walt Whitman

 Do we have multiple parts? Some people refer to one of their parts as the “inner child”. Here is how listening to my inner child helped me in Cambodia.

I was visiting last March as part of a 9-month world journey. The journey occurred suddenly after a divorce and almost losing my home. Through my travels, I did as best I could to grow through challenges while immersing myself in local culture and visiting sacred sites.

On my second day, I received a shocking message. The financial arrangements I had made with a family member to keep my house had fallen through. Years of planning and organizing evaporated overnight! I would lose my home in the United States! I would have nowhere to go.

As I walked along a nearby river, motorcycles buzzed by and coffee shops teetered precariously on the river bank’s edges displaying what looked like “pop up” cafes with modern espresso machines--a new local passion. A local Cambodian man had told me the day before how hard it was to be a parent with the “modern culture” here. His son had chosen the alluring coffee culture over school. This was hard for him to understand after his own childhood had been ruined by political turmoil and education such a privilege. However, I couldn’t enjoy the scenery or culture at that moment-- instead I was feeling distraught, lost, frustrated and sad. My inner child was triggered; her sense of safety was abolished, and an intense desire to run away surged through my body.

I looked up from the pathway near the sidewalk and saw a monkey moving toward and then sorting through trash. I had not yet seen any monkeys. As he lumbered toward the trash, it caught my surprise and curiosity. At first, I did not know what it was, as it was the size of a small dog but had a very different gait.

He leaned over the trash, very focused and hunched over, reaching his long arms into the large plastic black bag, using his tail to balance in the other direction so he could dive in deeper. His focus was intense, nothing around him seemed to be in his awareness.

I was then able to pause and wonder what this monkey digging through trash might have been telling me. I then realized that this sight symbolized how my thoughts were fixated in the "trash"—feeling overwhelmed and feeling like a victim. It was hard to let them go and not be caught in them, with the same intensity as my monkey friend. This made me laugh at myself a bit, as the monkey also seemed a bit foolish, holding onto its savored garbage.

As I continued to walk, I tried to calm my nervous system and breath. Slowly, as I settled, I asked, “What do I need?” I tapped into this question seeking guidance from my “non-judgmental center”, a more calm part of us that can be accessed through practices like slow breathing, presence, and curiosity. After several minutes, I began walking more methodically and started noticing the smells and sounds of the morning, and traditional Khmer architecture along the river.

As I tapped into that non-judgmental center, I was able to ask my inner child a question, be curious and listen. I slowed down and listened more deeply, still walking and noticing a Banyan tree leaning over the almost green river along the sidewalk.

I sensed she needed holding and gazed my eyes as I walked, softening my heart and imagining myself holding her. I saw a lotus amidst some lily pads in the river, sparkling.

She calmed. I then experienced my whole body calming.

Creating moments like this of shifting from reactivity and fear to presence and curiosity helps me meet parts of myself.

By slowing down and asking them more questions, we can be surprised at what these sometimes less conscious parts might reveal. 

This awareness and parts practice allowed me to respond the next day to the dreaded house issue with care, curiosity and love with the family member who had changed their mind affecting my ability to keep my home. I made notes as I walked about how I wanted to show up for them and myself, I thought about other ways I could sort through my loss of a home. Had this voice been ignored, I might have reacted with anger to them. Instead, after the inner work, a lot of journaling and time to think, I was able to see new solutions.

Listening to our different parts can be an excellent way to release inner reactivity and make more balanced choices.

The next day, I visited Angkor Wat. The sun was rising above the towers, displaying the Spring Equinox through its sacred architecture.

After exploring with awe the immense stone structure and learning about the ancient history, I rested on a stone in the outer landscape. A monkey approached with her family and sat right next to me, sitting very upright and relaxed.

This sweet and warming sight seemed like another sign from nature, reminding me to stay ahead of my reactivity and a small celebration of my decision to regroup and slow down. Nature speaks to us, especially when we fill our tanks. One way I fill mine is by pausing, being curious, and honoring all of my "parts."

Looking for lessons in nature is one of my favorite ways to learn and stay present. Nature is filled with stories and lessons.

What nature stories do you have? What keeps you aligned with your highest self? Do you recognize different parts within yourself? Are they listened to?

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